“It’s hard to find a silver lining when you’ve been told you have cancer for the second time. This has been my life for the past three years. I hold tight to the belief that I am a survivor who is living with, not dying from, advanced metastatic breast cancer. This helps provide the balance, hope, and gratitude I try to find in every moment, and with each person who is a part of my life and recovery. Having cancer is such a dichotomy – at times life moves very quickly with the never-ending commitments of treatment, testing, doctor visits. More than a full time job, to say the least. But what happens, out of choice, maybe out out of necessity, is a slowing down, a re-positioning of ones place in life. I choose to surround myself with friends and family who love and support me unconditionally, who hold onto hope and life, especially during difficult times when I can’t. They are my lifelines, they are my ‘gifts’.”

“The Gift of Cancer.

I know by now most of you are wondering if this title is a mistake. I am here to share with you how having cancer has improved my life. So a little about me first. I am 61 years old,married with 2 adult children Kira and Seth. Two different fathers but that’s a whole different story. Lived in Ventura California for the past 24 years. I am the kind of person who likes to be involved in my community. I am what some people call a take charge kind of person who helps others. Trained as a social worker I have helped others all my life.

So let’s skip to about 2 and a half years ago.  Funny this reminds me of when I was young and used the half way marker to show people I was older. Of course now I just use the correct year. Ha Ha. In this case since my mastectomy the more years away from that dx the better in terms of it coming back. I know I said it was a gift but getting it once is enough of a gift.  Although if it does come back I am sure I will learn more.

Though my treatment I the independent take charge person who helped others was learning how to accept help from others. A foreign concept to me.  In addition I learned that life does have an end. I often had trouble being in touch with my feelings. With cancer, I was able to take opportunities that helped me become more in touch with my feelings I became more spiritual and less anxious. Instead of always thinking about the future, being in the moment was important. I was able to appreciate small things like a sunset. Sounds silly maybe to anyone who doesn’t have time to stop their busy lives and appreciate such things.  It also has taken away my fear about death and need to control things. Ability to control things go out the door once you are diagnosed. I feel I can live life to the fullest now. However one might define that. For me my relationships have improved and I have learned to take time for myself.

Being part of this book and letting you all look at my new body has helped me also to accept myself as I am. Not only because I have one breast but because of who I am as a total person.  Which includes the good the bad and the ugly.

Please learn from me that taking care of yourself and accepting yourself as you are is the greatest gift “

“The Gift!

Breast cancer is one of the best things to happen in my life. I know that sounds either crazy or like a cliché. From the time I was diagnosed, had a mastectomy, completed chemotherapy, and had five surgeries, I was surrounded by a community of friends (old and new) who helped me and my two sons. As a single mom who lost income-earning abilities, we would have been homeless and hungry without these amazing angels. The best gift of all is my ignited focus and commitment to serve others as an advocate, mentor, and resource as they trudge through their journey with breast cancer. If I had not had breast cancer, I would have missed out on many of the beautiful friendships I now have. While I would not have chosen breast cancer, I would not change it!”

“The ‘Gift’ photo shoot enabled me to feel beautiful again in that my body is still ‘picture worthy’!! My scars have a story of their own to tell.  The project allows others to see the beauty of my entirety, beyond the scars.  The scars enhance a different type of beauty that is not physical.  I feel “ I am aesthetically pleasing even though my reconstruction is ‘unfinished’.”  I want others to witness that pride and feel that they too should embrace the body they now have.

By attending the Living Beauty Yoga Retreat last year, I found hidden strength within myself. Each woman’s story is unique yet we share the common thread of endurance.  A safe space was created for us to be ourselves as sisters to share the unspoken grief, triumphant spirit and layers of emotions.

Cancer helped me discover that I now have a voice that speaks with conviction to tell newer survivors and their family members that they too will find support, strength and a deeper faith in places totally unexpected and from people whom they would not have otherwise except through this process.  I have gained the irreplaceable companionship of confidants.  There is an undeniable instant bond with fellow strivers and even more so at group activities that focus on topics other than the disease.  On these occasions, we are able to bear witness to how others have and grow deeper in the belief that I too can overcome!

Now that I have made it to the five year mark of survivorship, I am an example to others…I can give guidance and speak from experience as ‘living proof’ that life does go on.”

“A gift might not seem like one at first. Especially in the wake of an epic cancer battle. Each battle different. For me it meant some major medical injustices at the hand of one of my surgeons. Tough as nails after this and newly so much more sensitive minded post chemo, I emerged an empath.

For my fellow humans an intense need to protect and care for them. To feel deeply, painfully for them. I also felt, feel so much more empathy for animals too.

My brain has been functioning a bit more disorganized now. I know that chemo has changed me in a way that I will never return to. I live each day reminding myself that this is okay. I am a warrior, goddess, pixie.”